Friday, April 3, 2009

Better Know A Back-Up Quarterback!

(Speaking of the Brady-Cutler rule:

How much do you really know about your back-up quarterbacks? They could be Matt Cassel. But they could also be Ryan Leaf. Or they could just be a leaf blower, with a mustache glued on.)

So this is the first in a series of:)

Better Know A Back-Up Quarterback: Brett Basanez!

Basanezz Hands!

Rex was only the Bears’ second-string quarterback, but he was their starting Gil Gunderson.

So when it became clear that Rex was going thrown out the car window, Bears GM Jerry Angelo swiftly moved to replace him with Brett Basanez, presumably before Brett could run off to become a vacuum salesman.

Poor Brett. Assuming a position in the Bears’ quarterback depth chart has got to feel a lot like a hot dog being thrown down a hallway. On top of this: aside from the obligatory “Brett joins [X] franchise, Brett ruled at NU” news stories, Bretty Brett has an internet presence that is comparably comfortable to being around a guy who doesn’t realize that his date just stole his wallet.

Like this story from the Tribune, charitably entitled “Backup Battle Brewing for Chicago Bears Quarterbacks”, even though it is mostly just about how coaches are willing to go on record about how Caleb is like sunshine:

"Every time we've given Caleb an opportunity, he has performed well," Smith said.

And Brett hoping that maybe he can transition this conversation into selling you a hot plate:

"I'm starting to get into it here, but there's definitely a learning curve," [Brett] said. "You have to get used to new terminology, guys running routes. There were a couple of throws [during camp] that I wish I could have had back.”

It's just this wacky ball shape that's killin' me!  

Or this uncomfortable check-up on Brett’s life, which happens to be the day he gets the call about whether or not he is being cut from the Panthers.

“I'm married,” says Basanez, 25. “I want to be able to provide. And I don't like uncertainty in my life.”

I got kids who won't stop eating! They got to do it for ol' Brett!

Brett’s plan was to play cell phone hide and seek from Panther’s management, except with human infant, pre-object permanence rules:

“I hung up and kind of hoped they wouldn't call back,” Basanez says.

Mommy and daddy eventually find him though, in the corner, with a lampshade over his head. And cut him.

“I probably should have brought [Panthers GM John Fox] an apple, or a beer. I should have done something.”

He’s joking, but it’s like the drunk best man telling a joke during his toast about how he should have been the one to drive the bride home from the bar that first night they all met.

And then there is Brett’s official website, which consists only of this:

Ozymandias would be proud.

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