Sunday, January 4, 2009

Potential New Careers For Rex Grossman: Wikimedia Board Member

Poor Rex. It must be heartbreaking to be so bad at your job that you’re second string to an injured Dave Grohl.

One of the more unintentionally hilarious parts of this year’s Bears season was the sideline check-in shots of Rex: the only guy on the bench wearing his helmet, doing Pilates for some reason. In the 1st quarter, there would be a hopeful glance at Lovie whenever Kyle took a hard fall. By the 2nd quarter, there would be a hopeful glance at Lovie whenever dudes in any position took a hard fall.

By the 4th quarter, he had ordered pizza.

But anyway, poor Rex was almost tossed in a bag and sold on eBay during off-season last year, but sadly, a new puppy is a big responsibility, and no one wanted him.

Should have advertised.

Rexy was signed to a one year contract, as well as a quarterback-off at high noon against Lovie’s other ex-boyfriend, Kyle Orton. We rooted for Kyle because while he was also a shitastrophe, that was, like, 4 years ago, so maybe he’s different now?

As to be expected, Rex left the toilet seat up, and was banished to the bench. He’ll most likely be thrown out the car window when they’re sure no one is looking. Also, Lovie is probably tired of hearing Rex insist he’d read somewhere that originally there was also a “chick part” to the quarterback position, like "on that dancing show", and he’s been doing all these Pilates...

But Rexy has got a long career of being cranky in bowling alleys ahead of him! And he can’t work at the McDonalds, like those normal assholes. So, here is the first in a series of Potential New Careers for Rex Grossman:

Wikimedia Board Member!

I hear through the grapevine that the Wikimedia foundation is looking for several a board member or two.

And what better candidate then a dude who has clearly authored his own wikipedia page:

He won't even have to send in his resume! And if anyone asks him what he's been doing since 2006, he can refer them to the Papa Johns on Michigan Ave.

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