Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Potential New Careers For Rex Grossman: Quarterback

Hey, did you know that we're in a recession?

The big employment vacuum cleaner sucked up all the jobs, and then revealed himself to be an otherworldly being, only to then blast off with every industry ever, never to return. This means we will all have to eat our pets.

But it's not just the little people. 

As much as I joke about how Rex's future employment prospects most likely involve personal appearances at the VFW (in exchange for enough alcohol to get him to finally sleep), Rex is significantly less fun unless he becomes some other team's problem. The part-time quarterback, full-time sex cannon went free agent on February 26th, and because every unemployed person who is asked this question looks forward to the schadenfreude-tastic day where they get to ask it to someone else:

Hey, how's the job search going, buddy?

Feb 27: The utter shock of being dumped results in standards immediately bottoming out. Rex gives the 2008 Lions the type of rim job they would normally only receive if they were wearing a paper bag over their heads. 

March 4: Rex comes to his senses and remembers that the draft is the NFL equivalent of the Teen Makeover Movie. Except that it's every girl in school, and they all get makeovers that are inversely proportional to how ugly they were in the previous year. Which means that the Rachel Lions Cook are probably going to be able to snag a better prom date then him this year. Bummer, dude.

But hey! He sees the Bengals over there, lookin' pretty easy. Nice. 

March 5th: Rex waits for a phone call!

March 6th-17th: Rex watches a lot of Judge Judy.

FREE AGENCY '09 RULEZ!!!111!!!!!

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