Everyone who had cash on Zorn, Cable, Mangini, and Mayor McCheese, please pay up.

4 Poorly Thought Out NFLShop.com Items/Sorry Sorry Sorry

We learned this week the same lesson we’ve learned four times already, which is that moving takes four times longer then you think it will. Now we are a week late.

We are very sorry. Can we make up for it with a Home/Office Themed List of Four Poorly Thought-Out NFLShop.com Items?

1.

OH GOD WHAT IS THAT? 

Holy crap, that scared us. That is the most terrifying thing we have ever seen. It’s like the nightmare you have, you know, the one about the zombie horse that suddenly learns how to run on two legs and it’s from Indianapolis, so it won’t be like, really fast, but it will be fast enough where yeah, it’s a problem re: our continued survival? What the fuck is that thing, a Halloween decoration? A tween boy’s Trapper-Keeper cover...? 

Sunday, September 20, 2009

DRUNK ME PICKS, WEEK 2

This edition of Drunk Me Fantasy Football is brought to you by An Old Bottle Of Port I Found In The Trunk Of My Car:

1. FLAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOO

2. A&F is making Team Sproles t-shirts as we speak. Isn't that what the kids are wearing, now? Abercrombie and Fitch? TEAM SPROLES! 

3. Uh, Adrian Peterson stopped to punch a guy last week. Please go ahead and sign him up for any and all fantasy teams you have, like your fantasy accountant team, or something. 

4. Roddy, that is an Irish name.

5. Reggie, you do know that I'm just picking you for your fun friend, right? Right.

6. I looked at this just now and thought I'd picked Sherlock Holmes. 

7. -BORING-

8. 20 dollars. Tony has a meltdown. You heard it here, first. 

9. I like the Eagles' D, but come on, a salad bar sneeze guard would have appreciated in value against Delhomme. 

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

WELL HELLO

Hey Deadspin readers.

It's true. We have no idea what the hell we are doing in the web design department. Your comments have been awesome and truthful. We will be back on Thursday after we have moved to our new apartment, and figured out formatting and text blocks and ponies and such.

Mostly ponies.

(Also, Drunk Me, helmed by Flaaaaaaaccooooooooo, pretty much stomped Sober Me, helmed by Brady. More on that later.)  

Monday, September 14, 2009

A Magical Safari Through Uncomfortable Moments in Press Conferences, Marvin Lewis:

Yeah, I'd change my name, too.

Though not to that one. 

Thursday, September 10, 2009

DRUNK ME PICKS:

DRUNK ME PICKS:

Some notes:

1. FLAAAAAAACCCCCOOOOOOOOO!

Flacco is going to be like Felicity in the second season of 'Felicity', but diametrically opposed because he will have better hair choices. Maybe he'll grow a mustache! Please grow a mustache, Flacco!

2. I'm picking LT because the Americans with Disabilities Act says I cannot discriminate against cripples.

3. Who the hell is Reggie Bush?

4. Because Calvin Johnson will straight up frame Matthew Stafford for tax fraud if he does not get some decent passes this year, of this I am confidant.

5. Coles is kind of old, but so is Santa.

6. I likes Hines because he was in a winning super bowl and he is still cheap, like a Liz Claiborne bag at Marshalls.

7. Chris Cooley, I don't know how you found your way onto my fantasy roster, but I think you can see yourself out.

8. Vinateri is there in the event that Peyton Manning decides that this is the year that he is going to ruin Christmas for Gary, Indiana.

9. Because I had to pick something for Andrew.

YES!

SOBER ME PICKS: